Greetings! Honestly, this wasn't a great week. It went mostly fine, I worked on more job applications and the like. Did a bunch of stuff on my site that I've been putting off for way too long.
But I got bad news on Saturday and I've been kind of dealing with that this week too. So, sorry if this post reads kind of lame and sad, I wasn't in the best mood from the weekend on. I wish I was stronger, better at taking the things that will inevitably happen to everyone in life. But I'm really not.
Week 4.
Had a funny experience on Monday. I was bored in the kitchen and had a book beside me so I decided to play a little fortune telling game that you too can play anytime, so long as you have a book. Here's how:
1. Ask a question. It can be open-ended.
2. Thumb through pages until you feel like stopping, crack the book open where you stop.
3. See a number in your head. Starting from the top of your page count down to the line of the number you got, if its a bigger number than there are lines on the page, flip the page and continue.
4. That single line is your answer. 99% it will not make any sense.
Er, except when it does! At least grammatically. My question was 'what kind of job will I get?' and as I leafed through the book and picked my line the answer was very direct, personalized, and threatening: 'her to the kingdom of the shadows of the dead'.
???
Like a funeral home? A cemetery? I'm scared. Don't go looking for your future in a book about Greek myths, it's all downers over there.
On Tuesday I updated all of the media logs for 2025! I missed like everything between September and December so it was a little rough catching up but I'm glad I stuck to it. Went to do my little janitor side gig.
By Thursday I finally decided to do Nanoreno this year. Not setting anything in stone a 100% but I think I'm gonna do a sort of whodunnit slasher visual novel. But just the first chapter, making an entire VN in a month is a little too wild for me.
On Friday I was chatting with my friend Tom on the topic of romance. Won't go into detail but thoughts were shared, I'm still wondering where I fit in all of it. I don't know if I'd be less lonely if I was with someone, or if I liked someone like that. I'm kind of afraid the answer will be yes. In a lot of ways I'm at my lowest in my life right now: don't have my own space, barely make an effort to get dressed for the day, and I'm a really boring and unambitious person. I'd hate to do all that to someone.
I do get very sick of people telling me that it will happen for me, it simply hasn't yet which is why I feel the way I do, because I'm not looking forward to it myself. Like, everyone's got more stakes in my love life than I myself do. I don't really know what I'm saying. Maybe it's like faith and lots of money; I wish I had it. But I don't and I can't do a thing about it.
I had a horrible Saturday. I'm sure a lot of people did. Nurse Alex Pretti was murdered in broad daylight by Nazis. Things were never really good but things are only getting worse. Nightmare and more nightmare.
One of my grandma's cats, my cat by extension, Pixel Junior, passed away that night. Pixel Jr because when we lived in China we sort-of had a cat (he just showed up one day and left another) who we called Pixel. Grandma liked how the name sounded even though she had no idea what a pixel was. He was totally normal until the morning of the 24th, when she found him. He passed in his sleep peacefully, at the age of around 13. He possibly had an underlying issue we never knew about because he wasn't sick or suffering. I'm heartbroken, I miss him so much. He was pretty reserved but so sweet and patient.
I looked at pictures of him, was scared to honestly, but was surprised that I felt more joy at the memories I had of him than the pain of having lost him now. I love him, I'll always love him and remember him. I'm so glad he was with us for his whole life, my brother found him and his siblings near a bin and they would have died. My brother took him and his friend took another kitten, and there was one more left who they also found a home for. My grandma had another cat who lived to near 17 called Elvis, him and Pixel were close. Once Elvis passed, Pixel missed him a lot. But we fostered a kitten Koda (who now lives on a farm, bless him, he is a very stupid cat and should be far away from moving vehicles) and adopted another kitten, Shigeo, who Pixel always took care of.
Here's some photos of one of the best things that ever was in the world:
Pixel Jr with Elvis.
Grandma spoiling him.
He was very dusty in the winter.
With my sister.
Nap.
More naps.
Chillin'.
Letting my sister dress him up.
I miss him and Elvis so much.
Hard day of studying.
Pixel Jr and Shigeo.
Pixel, then Koda, then Shigeo.
He was so caring to Shigeo.
Food time.
I have all three!
Loved carpets.
Funniest pic of Pixel Jr.
Bermuda triangle.
New year's eve with everyone.
More sneaking.
Hanging out with Pixel Jr.
Pixel Jr and my brother.
Caught something?
Outside... even in the show!
We played some more Left 4 Dead with Tom to stay distracted. It worked for some time but I was depressed all day. I take losing pets very hard, I know a lot of people don't think it's that serious but every cat my family ever had was also family.
On Sunday we all helped out my sister with re-organizing her room. She goes through many phases and I think the current one is comic book stuff. I remember also moving shit around as a kid all the time, though I didn't really have a style or anything. Maximalism, I guess.
The end.
This Week I'm Excited For...
I wasn't really excited for anything. I kind of wanted everything to just stop. I have an important meeting on Monday so I guess I'm excited to see what they tell me and for it to be over. Lately I've been mostly excited for things to end and I don't really like that.
Song Of The Week...
I actually didn't really listen to much new music this week except a really bad album that tricked me because of it's super 2000s cover. I've been listening to Threes again, this time I got really stuck on Atlas. I just feel awful, man. Don't worry though, just need to wait a little longer and things won't get better but I'll have some time to myself.
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