Fuck me. Man, fuck me! There's no destiny, no karma, no fate, no kismet, no divine will, no 'it's gonna come to you threefold (and your dick will fall off in three days), but there sure is pushing your fucking luck! And I've gone and pushed it. Months of wallowing and self-critique and gigabytes upon gigabytes of unfinished works later, when I finally decide to actually illustrate some shit that will make it into some form of final product that will in some sense be published, everything goes tits up. Yes, this is about the drawing tablet pen and all associated misfortunes. More on that... never! I don't wanna talk about it (I'm gonna incessantly talk about it).
Week 11.
Monday was going swimmingly. I went to a meeting with the counselor from the unemployment office and she set me up to go to an event at the end of the month where I can talk to a bunch of employers and throw my CV around. I need that shit bad. I drew a sketch of one character's full sprite and it looked so great. I was actually happy with something for once.
It could have been finished...
In the evening my and my brother's friend streamed some Marathon to us. It looks good and all but I never got into extraction shooters. I think extracting or looting is the most boring part of most modern shooters, it's even worse than battle royales in my opinion but to each their own.
Tuesday is when disaster struck. My brother was out having his civic course and I was drawing when the pen started to randomly freak out until it stopped working all together. I took it apart, tried to fix what I could but I'd need some really small tools to actually have a go at the innards and a fucking manual preferably. Well, there isn't one.
What I fucking despise about new tech more than anything is the lack of documentation and instruction. I remember not even ten years ago when I'd got my most recent phone, sure it didn't have a total blueprint for the thing, but it explained easy battery replacement, how and where to pop-off the cover to fix the screen etc. Now it's all: having a problem? Take it to the official repair shop! Man, fuck you...
I actually really loved the Parblo stuff but their customer support answers every 1000 years, their shop just doesn't let you buy anything from there directly. There are no FAQs about what to do when a pen is non-responsive and there are no fucking manuals. I was going to buy my own tablet from them in the future too but I probably won't now.
I dug out my 2011 Wacom Bamboo just to see if there is any way I could use it but sadly that was a no-go. I mean it was kind of a miracle it worked at all, the thing is 15 years old. It has no pressure sensitivity somehow and the pen-to-tablet connection is a little wack. I assumed it was possible driver issues but guess what? Wacom has made drivers for old tablets unavailable! I'm going to lose it.
Don't ask what the red spots are... I don't know.
I tried some third-party drivers but they sadly did not work. I was gonna throw something into the Porkbun mascot contest too. So long to those plans!
Wednesday through Friday was pretty uneventful, I mostly spent that time writing the story of my visual novel beyond the first chapter but scrapped most of it. Wasn't going where I wanted it. The evenings were salvaged by GTA V storymode fortunately. That game has been a comfort to me lately... despite all the carnage, murder, and betrayal. I don't really know what it is but it felt quite peaceful to RP as some depressed middle-aged guys (and Franklin).
On Saturday me and Mo finally finished ODST. It was his favourite because it was the most tactical. I actually like the Ring locations so I prefer the mainline games but I do love the dumb little ODST guys. Not as dumb as the marines. Here's pics of my cats by the way:
Private helicopter just for him.
Same bullshit on Sunday. I've been drawing traditionally ever since the tablet died and it has put me into my second-layer of depression. Neglect the classics and this is what happens, kids. I just feel so inept... I didn't even realize that I've gotten worse at drawing with a pencil, but I have. This has only made my mood worse. I guess it's better I found this out now than later... Everyone (including myself) told me to never forget the basics and here I go forgetting them.
The end.
This Week I'm Excited For...
Hard to be excited for anything. Should I hope that I impossibly fix my tablet pen? That a tablet just appears on my doorstep, accidentally sent to the wrong address? That I get magic money from a magic sugarmommy/daddy that are deeply invested in my art career and are also emotionally attentive and patient, funny, good-looking and- er, where was I? Honestly, I just need to replace this stupid 15 dollar pen as soon as possible but that depends on if the Parblo Aliexpress shop even deigns me worthy of buying it, it's not in their listings and their damn customer support told me I had to ask in DMs and maybe, maybe, they would sell me one. In the very, very far future I would love to buy a Huion Kamvas Pro 16 V2 but that bitch is 390 euros. Argh...
Song Of The Week...
Listening to the radio stations in GTA V is like being transported to age 13. Or 14. However old I was when I first heard the sweet, sweet screeches of my first FIDLAR song. Which was probably Max Can't Surf. I know it's shameful but I do have to admit that my fave station is definitely Vinewood Boulevard Radio, followed closely by Channel X and Non Stop Pop (I think it's very funny to make Trevor drive to I Want It That Way or Pure Shores). So, Soft Pack, who I first heard of via BIRP and their song C'mon, have not really stuck around for me. Shame! Answer To Yourself is such pure, beautiful 2000s indie kid bullshit that it reaches deep into some part of my mind that's honestly kind of proud of myself for expanding my tastes so young. And I just really need a pick-me-up.
Hello there. Short post (for once, eh?). Well, as short as I make 'em. I had a mess of a week that was busy with the same task. I was driven to think that something would come from it. But now that it's done I feel like all the manic energy was just anxiety pushed to it's limits. Don't cry that it's over, smile that you won't have to do that shit again. Hopefully. Otherwise, some town events: i.e. the carnival that is losing it's swagger with every passing year, sadly. In the late nights I've been playing the story of GTA V and having too much of a good time. Anyway, all that and more in the post.
Week 10.
Had a passable time during the start of the week. I got a response from the lady I was in contact with about the possible illustration work and the publisher apparently wanted to see if I had a website portfolio which I don't. You know what that means... I was busy Monday through Thursday putting something together. It honestly didn't turn out great but I didn't use Wix or some shit so I will consider it a win. It's borderline the exact same thing as my PDF portfolio so now I'm worried that they just didn't like my work. Wouldn't be the first time.
In the evening time I was still playing GTA V, having way, way, way too much fun. Gonna probably actually do a follow-up GOTM post on the media blog at this rate. Also I've made my daily song logs into a playlist so if you want a mixtape in no specific genre, created neither with rhyme or reason, please check out my 2026 365 mix.
I was in such a haze trying to get the web portfolio done during the week nothing much else happened until Friday when it was finally Carnival Day in our town. The theme this year was Latin American culture, queue a bunch of small white French children in ponchos and sombreros. The theme's have been implemented looser and looser by the year. Very little had actually to do with Latin America aside from the marching band wearing white sweaters with the Brazilian flag, the aforementioned sombreros and ponchos, and a very horrifying papier mache guy with a big mustache. They burned the guy, but that's a normal thing because it's just a part of the carnival (they burnt Shrek last year). I feel like a lot of countries burn some shit in the Spring, just people stuff. I didn't get why he had fake money stuck to him though. Is it something about wishing for fortune? Tom said that's not a thing in France so I was even more confused.
Also, realized that I did not understand the night photo settings on my camera at all and that all the pictures turned out so, so bad.
Sort of Carnaval de Rio?
On Saturday I was working more on my Nanoreno visual novel. It's been going pretty alright, I've got some character sketches down that made me think I was alright at drawing. Ah, the folly of a single good moment.
On Sunday we took the cats out to a friend's huge patio/balcony where we also made smores. We had this one-time use cardboard 'grill' (using the term grill very generously here) that you supposedly could light with a lighter. False. We sat there warming these damn compressed coals for 15 minutes like a bunch of junkies with nothing to show for it. Obviously my mum got the blowtorch out and that did the trick. Modern problems, modern solutions.
Just trash.
Honestly, the week was so messy and boring I have very little to say. Yes, not even some kind of crazed and half-formed tangent. This blog is truly falling apart.
The end.
This Week I'm Excited For...
Probably to finally start the sprite work for Nanoreno. I've been meaning to finalize the look of the style I'm gonna try for the VN but we'll see how that pans out.
Song Of The Week...
While I was on my janitorial duties I played some The Replacements back to back. I used to listen to them a lot more, they seriously rock. And how insane is it that Androgynous was written in 1984? The line 'Kewpie dolls and urine stalls will be laughed at the way you're laughed at now' always brings me to near tears. It's just a very raw and beautiful thing. And it's yet to happen, which is morbid. In someone's lifetime though. However, my song of the week and my fave from the album is Unsatisfied. I don't think there's many moments that are as cathartic and painful as the way Paul Westerberg drags out 'satisfied' in the chorus.
In this week's news, I get some inklings of a possible amazing opportunity. Is everything going to turn around at last? However, that was early this week. Now that a whole seven days have gone by I've been returned to my dock of misery, self-doubt, and distrust. More at 7.
I kid, sort of. It was still a great week because it was my sister's birthday on Sunday and we had a really fun day out. And Tom came over not once but twice for games, trash talk, and more! Overall a good time. Lots and lots of photos this time around, including my HORRID and GROTESQUE face (view at your own risk!!). Also much bullshit monologues about video games. Seriously, save your mental well-being and don't read any of my dumb thoughts! Kind of counter-intuitive for a blog, eh?
Week 9!
Had a really good Monday. I mean really good. Had a meeting with my social worker first thing and we talked some more about me taking the driving test. We decided that I'd come back in about a month to make a final decision. So I've got to focus on that in the coming month as well.
Anyway, afterwards I had a pretty special meeting set up. Basically Tom had this English and drama teacher in high school, let's call her Mrs. G. She's American and French and has been working as a teacher for ages. I've taught before as well and since English is just about my only marketable skill (debatable), it's work I can see myself doing.
She's a very nice lady, friendly and with lots of stories. I had a great time meeting her and hearing about how she made it to France. I was pretty excited to find out that to work as a substitute in France you don't even need a pedagogy degree, so that's something I could really do. But even better than that she let me know that she works in publishing, language books for kids and teens, and that there may be opportunities to work as an illustrator. I don't wanna hope too much, I'm not an optimist but if something like this pans out that would be a dream come true.
I sent her my portfolio on Tuesday and the person she relayed it to asked if I had an online portfolio. I'm not sure why that matters that much considering I've already sent them my portfolio but that's what I'm gonna work on now. I need this, man. Like, because I need a job but getting a job in illustration? This could put life back into me like nothing else. Or I'll realize that I'm actually an un-hireable artist with nothing to offer. I need to know.
We finally finished Left 4 Dead 2 on Wednesday. God, how I love that game because I'm ready to start it again... but I should probably wait a while longer so it's even more fun! Thursday was Alice's birthday, woo! It's truly a birthday week. I played GTA V (the story) all day, sort of on accident. Booted it just to check everything was running fine and somehow spent like 7 hours scheming and scamming.
On Friday I worked on the portfolio site but it really didn't go anywhere. Hate hitting those kind of slumps, they really make the anxiety jump off the charts. But when something's not happening, it's not happening.
Tom came over in the early afternoon on Saturday, we were supposed to be planning out his OCs again but got distracted with games. First we got through some COD matches and spent a long time debating modern-day gooning and video game crushes.
Local idiots.
Local bimbo.
Dumb tangent starts here: I believe that all these cringe anti-woke guys that only care about sexy girls in games are wrong on two fronts: 1. Not fucking everything's supposed to get your dick hard! Just enjoy a game on it's own, man, like damn. 2. Their attitude is a result of a total lack of imagination. I had a huge crush on Ashrah in Mortal Kombat Unchained and she's the most covered up girl in the entire game. She was hot to me before I even saw the alternative outfit. What I really liked was that she was a demon who wasn't just totally malicious, she was working between the worlds of good and evil with a blessed sword that purifies her soul with every demon slain... which is HOT! A person's (in fiction or not) character is not just nice, it's essential for any sex appeal.
My beloved.
Another thing that I get annoyed about is dude's complaining how 'vain' and 'picky' girls are when it comes to the appearance of potential crushes or romantic partners. I'm not saying there aren't girls who are vain and demand totally unreasonable things from guys they wanna date but it's just objectively not true that guys aren't worse about this. Every time a guy has an 'unconventionally attractive' crush it's literally just a very attractive woman who has like thin lips, or a non-button nose, vaguely gender non-conforming features or dress or dark skin (yeah, thanks, white and cisgender beauty standards!). Even in video games, characters that are like demons or trolls or something may have horns or tails or whatever but are otherwise total babes.
If Fallout proved one thing its that some girls are pretty freaky and they wanna fuck the Ghoul. No, not Walton Goggins, but literally the Ghoul! I respect it. I'm not saying that the majority don't still stick with pretty objectively attractive guys/gals/NBs (I have plenty-a crush on typically good-looking people/characters too) but girls' weird crushes will actually be weird. I'm just so done with the plastic, near-perfect and forever young look, man. Tired of it in movies, in games, just being blasted with it online.
Anyway, we made a little list of our top video game crushes (all guys because Tom can't come up with a hot woman to save his life, insert name-a-woman meme here.) My brother picked Kim Kitsuragi, Tom picked Chris Redfield, my sister picked Isaac Clarke (with the helmet specifically), and I picked Sam Drake. I personally think they're all pretty hot. So, who has the worst taste?
Vote for a waifu.
We also played some Halo 3, the usual Slayer and Team Slayer. It was Tom finally seething because of the bad spawns which ended with me and Mo winning. The he had the gull to tell me GTA V sucks and he didn't like any of the characters because "they're so dumb". Um... yeah? Way to miss the point! Afterwards we finally talked about his OCs. I took a bunch of notes and I'll have a pretty busy month in March but I feel like I'll have the final illustrations done by the end of April. Marta also did my and Mo's make-up.
The "art".
The artiste.
Mo was a some kind of an alternative-type and I requested something 1920s and vamp. I think the eyes turned out great but the lips were giving Jennifer Coolidge, which I also actually liked. If I could do her voice I would die happy.
In another life...
We were all super tired by about 11PM so we decided to watch Alien since Tom's never seen it. I was so shocked at how freaked he was by it! I held his hand during the egg scenes, he's SO grossed out by them and I had no idea. Adorable.
Anyway, we sent my sister off to bed and started decorating. She made some very specific requests so we went all out. Tom stuck around to help. Through like 3 hours of absolute chaos and quickly dwindling sanity, we were all like a bunch of drunks without having had a drink of anything. At almost 4AM we finally finished the job. Thank god Tom took control of the situation when I was starting to feel like I was about to pass out. We walked him home and as soon as we were back I just collapsed.
Sunday morning I was woken up by my mum and sister as I'd slept on the ouch. My sister loved the decor, which is great because I was scared she'd think we did a shit job (I'm a shitty part planner, alright?!). We took some more pics, she's really in her photography phase (meaning taking photos of everyone and everything when possible) and as an archivist (though some may say hoarder...), I understand.
The theme was...uh...er...
She opened up a bunch of her presents and we were set to leave to a nearby bigger town at about 12PM. Mo barely got up, I think he went to bed even later than me.
They tried to eat all of the deco...
Disco 4ever.
LOL!
We made it just fine to the train but ran into an issue when what I knew would happen happened. I told my mum to check whether buses were working like 30 times but I think she looked at the wrong site or something because there were no buses all Sunday.
Waitin'.
Luckily we have some friends that live in this town and they agreed to drive us to the arcade/bowling alley. In fact they decided to join us so the party was the family and my mum's two middle-aged friends, and we were tearing up that bowling alley.
You bet your ass the bowling references were endless!
It ended with my mum winning. I didn't know she was that good at bowling. Like, she had multiple strikes. There's always more to learn about your parents, friends. Like the fact that she bowled every week when pregnant with my brother. The skill did not transfer however because he placed last. I was second, followed by a family friend, and then Marta.
I can't with the random posters in the back...
Lots of boob jokes all day. Real mature.
Hooray for arcades.
After that we hit up the rest of the arcade. I haven't been to one in ages so it was a good time. We tried some racing games, motorbikes, air hockey, a pinball machine, a Halo game, Mario Kart, the basketball hoops; basically a whole lotta shooting shit while shooting THE shit.
Hot anime girls!! In your area!! Near you!!
Halo!
Cursed.
Broke Dead Redemption.
Beer Town, the place you wanna be...
Our train back was at about 4PM so after a super late lunch we headed to the station. I had a cracking migraine that developed some time during the day. Love a good daytrip but nothing beats coming home. Soam, Monique and Tom were coming over at about 7PM for cake so eventually I had to leave my cozy little nap, not feeling better in the slightest.
Sadly Soam had to leave early but otherwise we played some Blur and then some Battlefront II. Mo and Tom found something to bitch about as usual. Classic.
Could have sworn she was like 12 yesterday...
And that was the week. I have a lot of shit happening next month, both because I'm subjecting myself to it and because I'm legally obligated to do it. By the law! Anyway, I'm hopefully not going anywhere far because I don't think I wanna travel again so soon. I'm a lazy fucker...
The end!
This Week I'm Excited For...
Nanoreno already began but I'll be starting my own project on the 2nd or 3rd because Sunday was my sister's birthday. I've put some notes together and I feel pretty good about it, so I think that I'll mostly have a good time doing this small project. I just wanna make something and finish it, even if it's just a demo.
Song Of The Week...
I first heard of Pendulum from Kori when they submitted an entry into the CDwORLD zine, they had an upcoming album in the summer of 2025. This week I was listening to some 2000s drum and bass mixes when Another Planet came on and I was totally charmed. It's like something that would be in Motorstorm or something, very unique and energetic track.
