Don't Make Me Go Out There {Week 02}

Hey. How's January so far? I'm feeling fine, seems the winter blues finally caught up with me because I've been a bit down and totally out of sorts. I think it's because I feel extra useless and caught in a web of my own making. I've been stressing out about finding a job I can do without fucking it up too bad but it's been... complicated. My friend Tom also recently told me that almost all employers now file all applications through AI, so lots of people get rejected at the first stage by a robot. I kind of already knew this but I had hoped it wasn't so widespread. Whatever, what's one more rejection when it comes?

Week 2!

Monday through Wednesday was all kind of a blur. Doing my own projects, playing games, and so on. I did get a message from my 'handler' at the unemployment office at last but they just scheduled another meeting with my social worker... which I'm pretty sure I already did. It feels like I'm running in circles.

On Thursday Monique came over to ours and we had galette and cider. I like galettes but I love ciders. Especially the cidre breton. So delicious. My sister had the fève (the small trinket baked into the galette) in her slice so she wore the crown. The cold front seems to be moving on. If the heating at our house wasn't so awful that'd be sad.

Season's eatings.

Went to the grocery store on Friday and got caught in the rain. It was nice and moody but I got my boots soaked and that was pretty annoying. 

In my restless dreams, I see that town...

On Saturday we finally started Left 4 Dead! Guys, I've been so excited. First we added some mods, nothing too crazy because we were trying to keep the actual game as vanilla as possible for Tom's first playthrough. We ended up with Tom playing Francis, Mo playing Louis, Marta playing Zoey, and me as Bill. I usually end up as Bill because we are both geriatric. We made it past Death Toll so far.

Perfectly spherical.

On Sunday I had... a bit of a mixed day. We went over to Tom's place because his mum was hosting a huge gathering of lots of people we didn't know. Most of them were very nice, we mostly hung out with Tom's childhood friend and a 9 year old, M. She kept bringing me random stuff and telling me about them: a Mario marker, a Stitch squish, her Switch. She didn't care that my French was bad and just kept talking at me. Kids and animals are the only good thing left in the world, man. Also I got the fève this time!

I was really overwhelmed meeting new people and trying really hard to speak French and it didn't help when people make remarks but it happens. I'm very bad at going with the flow and can't act unbothered to save my life, even though sometimes I really should. I'm sure my mood visibly changes and I make a real bitchy face when someone or something pisses me off. I'd suck at poker or if I had to be interrogated by Dr. Lightman from Lie To Me. So yeah, it was a fine time and the food and company was good but I think my social battery was damaged beyond repair.

The end!

This Week I'm Excited For...

Well, apparently the second 28 Years Later movie is coming out so I hope we can go see it in cinemas. I do have a feeling it will be better than the first entry but we'll have to see...

Song Of The Week... 

I've been floating in and out of ambient/downtempo/trip hop everything this week and I had a few Kodomo tracks laying about but never really took much time to listen through some albums. I really loved Still Life, it has no shortage of great tracks but my favourite is probably Concept 16.

New Year's 2026 {For 32Bit, My Beloved}

Well, well, well... another year gone by. For all those of you here from 32Bit Cafe, hello! I've been in the indie web space from around 2021 and while the world has been getting worse, at least this one little part of life has just been getting better. Maybe that sounds pretty grim but it's sort of my one bit of comfort left right now, at least when it comes to the web. I was wondering what kind of stuff I should even write for the end of the year... some kind of questionnaire? A list? I don't know, I guess we're getting a hybrid. I was inspired by Alice's latest blog post about her year which she broke down into months and paired up with some photos. I thought to do something similar, this is a photo blog after all. So, here's my reflection of the year...

January

This is actually such a bad picture but it encompasses a really great moment: the first time I met my friend Tom! He's the bitch in the bandana. As all first meetings go it was kinda awkward (mostly because of me) but after maybe a month of hanging out (going to his place to play on the PS3, staying at ours to watch a movie, hanging out at the park, etc.) it was like I've known him my whole life. Weird! Maybe it's because part of me is still stuck in the hellscape that was being a teen in 2012-2015 (when you had to be an edgelord 24/7 to be friends with people) but we rib each other a lot, that's kind of our expression of friendship. But in all honesty, Tom's a really great dude and a good friend and my life would be worse without him. I've also never had another queer person as a friend, some of my friends from high school and uni may have been queer but even then everyone was scared of revealing too much, as was I. So when I'm with Tom, it feels like I'm with my people finally. He doesn't read this blog (and if he does, I will murder him!!) so I can be way too honest here and then one day I'll have the courage to tell him that he's an amazing friend and I won't make a stupid joke out of it.

February

Picture mostly unrelated. Just cat tax, I suppose. In February, we received a bunch of packages from a time long ago. I used to live in China with my family, we had moved back to our home country in around 2018 but a lot of our stuff was still there. All of my belongings were books, drawings, and so many childhood treasures. Literally all of my life pre-2018 was in those boxes so you cannot believe how happy I was to get them all back. It was like getting my memories back. 

March

I was still in document limbo (still sort of am) but there was a lot of good that happened. I got some of my first comments on this blog, my sister turned 14, my dad came to visit us, and we enjoyed our biggest local event: the carnival. Sadly all the pics I took were really bad (night photography + Nokia slider phone = impressionism?). It wasn't as good as the last two years but there was still some very cool stuff. 

April 

I turned 26 this year! At some point after 21 or 22 birthdays became less exciting (which is impressive because I know people who stopped being excited as young as 16). I sort of forget my age but that usually ends with me accidentally lying to people that I'm older than I am. So yeah, 26 in 2025 and 27 in 2026, not sooner! More importantly this was the month where I didn't meet as such, but started emailing with another new and awesome friend, Alice. She reached out to me about pen-pal-ing and we've sent each other letters, goodies, and CDs a few times last year. Alice is awesome, just as a person and as a webmaster, go check her site out here. Another person who'd I'd be worse off without so thank you, Alice (who is allowed to read the blog unlike some people...). To many more years of emo, penpal letters, and everything else we want!

May

I went to my first ever Pride... in May? I'm not sure if it was concerns over the summer heat or some other issue but Agen was holding their pride in May and we went with a pretty big group: Me, my brother, Tom, my sister, her friend, and Tom's two friends. It wasn't an enormous event but there was still a lot of people there, not only for queer issues but for Palestine too which was good to see. I also started my new classes for my B1 French with a very nice new teacher, Madame Mahmoudi. Already miss that class.

June

We got a huge leak in our roof that bled through the entirety of the third floor into my room on the second floor less than a meter from my PC, what a disaster! However we also finally installed a real staircase that leads to the third floor with the help of our family friend Noel. Before that we had one of those spooky drop-down attic doors.

July

July was very wild. Usually I leave the month just to do some Artfighting but I sadly did very little of that this year. However, I did publish my first for real zine: the CDwORLD inprint issue 1. I had a bunch of people contribute to it, it really felt like a lotta fun (and a lotta work!). I also finished classes for the summer, we had some of July and all of August off. Bastille Day was nice, I picked the photo from that night because I do think July felt a lot like a firework, cool and breath-taking but also really not safe.

August

August was awesome. I officially got my bank account after a year long battle. I finally got my own room in our fixer-upper house and we had a great time at a local lake. I wish we traveled a little more in the south of France but there's always next year. It was my brother's birthday and I pre-ordered the new Expanse game for him which we are both really excited for. Private Music was released, at first I was not really into it because of all the AI but now that I've had time to listen to it more without the shitty visuals, it's an awesome album. I also partook in Blaugust for the first time.

September

September was so awesome, I spent August doing a commission for the first time in a very long while, it was for the cover of Xandra's new issue of the Good Internet Magazine. An awesome experience working with Xandra. I also finally bought 2 items that I've been on the hunt for ages: a digital camera and an Xbox 360. We put so many hours into the 360 since then and we'll probably do that even more now that I've figured out the exploit. So I've picked the photo above, a little sit-down to play some Skyrim with my brother and sister, on theme.

October

I really, really tried to make a month long list of teen horror movies circa 1996-2005 but failed big-time. I learned a valuable lesson about my blogging style, pre-writing is the only way I can go or I end up wasting hours and hours. I also did my first official work in France, we worked at a kiwi farm, picking kiwis. It was only some seasonal work but I may be back to do it next year too. I also finished my B1 classes, they were without certification but with a letter of recommendation from my teacher. We had such a lovely last day of class, I'll really miss my classmates. We also went on a daytrip to Bordeaux to visit the art museum and it was Halloween which is always awesome, duh.

November

In November I was waiting again. As much as I love France and all the civil servants such as social workers, there is some serious problems in the world of administrative procedures and bureaucracy. There is like no communication between departments so I wasted weeks running between the social workers' and unemployment offices trying to complete a bunch of random mandatory meetings in order to get the job search on track. In my personal life, I had a lot of lovely meals with family friends. It started to get chilly. Otherwise, we played so many old games from my childhood that I either started and never finished or only heard of, stuff like the early Halo games and Dead Space. 

December 

My sister and mum left to visit my dad in Georgia so it was mostly me and my brother. I managed to get some of the meetings I needed done but as usual, everything is so slow during the holidays. Anyway, that meant in our free time we were gaming!! I finished a bunch of games and started some more this month: Halo 2, Jade Empire, Mass Effect. I also completed my digital advent of this year that's up on my project's blog. My sister and mum returned on the 31st, I was cooking a lot for new year's, and made a pretty good roast if I do say so myself... and then the year ended! I ran out of time to finish a lot this year but it's not all so bad, having all of this diary-keeping on hand really helps me actually see things as is. I always feel like I didn't accomplish anything, that I've been useless and wasted away but that's not the entire story. So yeah, it's pretty good to sit back and look at the year objectively once in a while.

I also have some more wrap-ups for my other blogs and some goal lists. I'm excited to read other's people posts about their 2025 or what they have planned for 2026. If you'd like, drop me a link to your blog via the comments! By the way, in case anyone missed it I left my little moth at the top of this post.

Wrap-Ups

2025 Media Wrap-Up

2025 Projects Wrap-Up 

2026 Goals

2026 Fashion Goals

2026 Project Goals

2026 Personal Goals

End Up Somewhere {Week 01}

Officially back to week 1! A full year of blogging, once a week (usually a week or two too late). We made it. Feels pretty good. My last few days of the year went pretty swell, as did the first few of the new one. No crazy parties or celebrations but a lot of good food and drink and time with my family. Pretty nice.

I also texted a bunch of friends, was really good to check in with everyone. Do miss my grandma. Love my cats. Things are going well. 

Half in the old year, half in the new.

We spent a lot of last week and Monday and Tuesday cleaning the house up. My mum's a total clean freak so I put in more elbow grease than usual to make sure everything was sparkling clean. We also did some last minute shopping, mostly food. I got a really hefty beef cut for our roast. It's pretty pricey which annoys me because I liked it a lot but can't have it all the time...

Cats I saw on the way to the supermarket.

At last it was New Year's eve on Wednesday. My sister and mum got back from Bordeaux about 11AM, they were really hungry so I made them some fried beef and chicken from the leftover meats I had. I made quite a meal for New Year's... here's a Finny recommended New Year's menu:

1. Cranberry mocktail

Take a glass cup fill 1/4 of it with orange juice, 1/4 with cranberry juice, and 1/2 with ginger beer or ginger ale. I used Canada Dry and it was really good. Add a sprig of rosemary and an orange. If you're real fancy put some cranberries on it too. Sadly I didn't have any. This drink was so good. Recommend to everyone!

2. Beef roast and gravy

Get a nice chunky lean beef and smother it in garlic, rosemary, thyme, some peppers, butter, salt. Mine came with a fat chunk wrapped around the beef which gave it some great juice. I also made a beef stock the night before: just boil beef with bone, carrots, greens, onion, and any veg you have for a few hours. The gravy I made with the stock, some flour, vinegar, and butter on a low fire.

3. Creamy parmesan potatoes and mushrooms

Boil some small potatoes a little. Then roast them with mushrooms, garlic, rosemary, thyme. Whatever you want! Then make a sauce of cream, chicken/beef stock, some more garlic, and parmesan. Add potatoes and mushrooms to creamy sauce.

4. Sort-of chocolate trifle with raspberries

I baked a very basic brownie earlier. I overcooked it, better if you keep it soft and gooey. I made a chocolate mousse that actually turned out like a mousse which surprised me. For the mouse, even if you don't have something to whip the cream with: separate yolk from egg whites. Melt chocolate over very low heat and mix with yolk and sugar, super low heat though so you don't make an omelette. If you're seeing clumps it's time to turn the heat off. Beat the cream as much as you can and slowly mix with choc-yolk mixture. Cool it in the fridge, it should give it a mousse texture. I chopped all the brownie up and placed some at the bottom of my glass cups. I put mousse over the brownie, then some whipped cream, a little chocolate shavings and the raspberries. It was tasty as hell.

Closer to the night, everyone just hung out. My mum and sister were really tired from nearly two days of traveling though. My mum took a nap and my sister fell asleep after forcing us to watch the new FNAF movie even though she herself could barely stay awake. We woke her up a bunch of times but she was mad about being woken up and would fall asleep again. Then when we woke her up a half hour before midnight she was mad we woke her up so late. Ah, teenagers...

We drank what was left of the ginger ale instead of champagne even though I did buy a prosecco which I had a really hard time picking on the account of I know nothing about wines and champagnes. I may pick an okay beer or cider but wines mean nothing to me. Midnight came and we opened our gifts, I made a post on finnymemo about all the gifts I got this year so head over there if you're curious.

On the first day of the year we relaxed all the way. We watched some movies set during the New Year as is tradition. Ate leftovers and had some hot chocolates with whipped cream. I love those a lot.

Me with the choc.

Friday was pretty uneventful, most government organizations were still closed so I was still awaiting news from my France Travail counselor. However, I guess the post was working because I got my most awaited gift, my music player! It's the Snowsky Echo Mini and its the dream. If you're looking for a real old school feel but still a lot of memory (plus SD card access, duh) and an okay price, this is definitely it. Doesn't hurt that they also come in such cute colours (I chose the pink one).

Even cat loves it.

So beautiful...

On Saturday our boiler/heater was truly dying. Our family friend Andrey came over and managed to fix it up but there seems to be some part that is in need of replacement. Also, my mum's other friend stayed over because her car broke down so we had a mini-sleepover in a way.

On Sunday I was bored and realized that I had my Steam Replay to look at and that Letterboxd also has some kind of year-in-review feature even though I'm not a paid user. Er, sorry but you'll never see me pay for that kind of stuff... It was pretty funny to browse though.

I write small reviews on my media logs so 0 here.

Josh Hartnett 4ever <3

I actually didn't like Companion much...

Pre-Halloween watches.

Friday? Interesting.

So embarrassing... both sucked, but I knew that.

I'm okay with this.

What the fuck is a nanogenre?!

My Steam Replay is only for the PC games I played cuz I did play a lot on the 360 and DS this year which was not included here obviously. Also some games I've played before but not on Steam so they are marked as first time playing but they ain't.

Too much time spent on DBD.

Kind of like last year.

I'm guessing 2026 is gonna have TF2 at the top too.

Played a lot with my friend Tom.

Very fun but I didn't finish it yet.

Played with my brother and sister.

Killed my brother a lot in this one.

Not bad, not bad...

And then the week was over! Time doesn't stop for any of us, sometimes I wish it would a little. We already had horrible news and it's barely the second week of January. I guess I'm gonna work out what I can for myself and try to see what can be done for others. Every small thing counts now, I guess. If there's one thing I'm leaving solidly behind in 2025 is corporate-owned social media, I've finally cemented my position against it and I won't be back. It's shit for everyone. Even stuff like activism, I mean staying informed about social issues via social media, had some effect there before, now it feels like everything is drowned out by convenient lies and slop. Good riddance.

Goodbye 2025!

This Week I'm Excited For...

We're gonna play Left 4 Dead/Left 4 Dead 2 again but this time with my friend Tom who's never played it before. I'm not sure why I'm this excited for this but I am!

Song Of The Week... 

Since I got my music player I've been listening to my curated playlists from 2000s and 90s faves, each playlist is like 10GB+ so not all songs fit on my current SD. I found myself listening to Polar Bear Club's Convinced I'm Wrong a lot. It really got stuck in my head this week.