This Guy's Ready To Fall Asleep In Class {2025 Week #20}

In case any of you motherfuckers forgot, it's still Mermay!...sorry. I've been having a pretty a-okay time posting my Mermay nonsense on my dev/project blog. If you're interested find it here or to the left where my most recent posts from the other blogs come up. 

Monday was pretty great, the weather was good, I was feeling fine. I walked around some shops before class and then I sat in the park. Looking at the butt statues (more on that next week). Unfortunately, by the time class started I was super sleepy. It reminds me of that time in high school once. Prepare yourself for a stupid story.

I was an avid MUN person in my school. I think I was always a bit too radical to actually be taken seriously but I still had fun arguing with people so it was my shit. My first year participating I got awarded the Outstanding Delegate award and I was super proud of that, it's like the 'good job, newcomer' award. Anyway, the next year I wanted the Best Delegate award. I was aiming high, like every spoiled, snotty politician should. However, it was also the year that I got put in the same room as a notoriously annoying girl, we'll call her Sara, and my childhood friend, D. Sara did get ostracized and bullied by some people in her class so I really do feel for her, it sucked and I'm not saying she was a mean person or anything. It's really more about what a fucking push-over I am. Basically we bunker down but Sara really wants us to watch the Rocky Horror Picture Show because I've never seen it. We already spent an hour looking at her Anita Blake comics (which I did appreciate!). Anyway I'm so fucking exhausted... my eyes are barely staying open but she keeps telling me we need to finish the movie. I'm also an avid musical hater. It's all just going so wrong...

Finally the movie ends and we tuck in. I'm so close to the relief of sleep when she begins telling us her life story. I feel really bad for her and I would hear her out... but not in the middle of the goddamn night. You know what the dumbest thing is? I never outright tell her to quit it. I just keep going with the 'it's getting late..', 'how about we do this tomorrow?' and 'guys, aren't you tired?'. I literally have no spine. Anyway, the next day I am totally dead. I barely wake up, the morning is horrible and I buy an overpriced and disgusting coffee. During the debates I take mini-naps during breaks and you know how useless those are. I actually fall asleep for a moment while sitting straight up, I probably looked stupid as hell. At some point one of the messenger guys, they deliver notes and kind of micro-manage everything, tells me that the head moderator has been talking shit about me falling asleep and how that's disrespectful. I actually haul my ass over to her and apologize telling her that I barely got any sleep last night and I'm not doing this on purpose or anything. She gives me an arctic shoulder so I just go back to my delegate duties, but I am in the semi-angry, semi-fearful stage now where everything is pushing me further to the edge. 

Anyway when the end of MUN comes around and they give out the Best Delegate awards I don't get it but this hater-moderator has the gull to stand up and say they want to give a special mention to me. Literally no one ever does that, that's such a pity thing, I hated it! Looking at it now it's obviously not a big deal at all but teen drama, you know? So I never did get that stupid award but I did learn important life lessons: working hard doesn't get you shit, being liked in the networking sense doesn't fucking matter, I still don't like musicals, and I now have the fear of falling asleep during classes or important events.

Mini-game: If you can spot me, comment which country I represented.

On Tuesday I was listening to my little podcast instead of reading. That was just one of those days. Also browsed some shit on my phone, I've been doing that more ever since I stopped using the Nokia which I kind of miss but sadly I need a smartphone for literally everything these days. I love my old bank so much because it used to have this feature where anytime I spent money it would literally just SMS me what was left on my balance. That shit was amazing. When I got home I looked at some CosmoGirl mag and quiz book scans on the Internet Archive and now I miss magazines again. Even the shitty ones.

Who wanna do girly quizzes with me?

On Wednesday I don't have classes and we are also super broke now. I stayed home and watched A Fish Called Wanda and then we watched Do The Right Thing together. It's a great movie. The world never changes though.

I skipped Thursday's class, had to get a lot of administrative shit done at home. Hit a Mermay art block. Not feeling good about my art again. Same sob story, don't worry about it.

On Friday I went to class, even got dressed up some. Thinking I need to buy sandals because I have nothing to wear in the summer. Terrible chronic migraine is back! Uneventful weekend.

This week I have been really loving Without A Day by Car Vs. Driver that was recommended to me by Alice. I'm not sure if I told you I liked it, Alice, but I loved it!! Just wanted to let you know your recs are the best (if you are still reading this dumb blog LOL). Please enjoy.

Existential Dread, Excess Fun {2025 Week #19}

Hey. How are ya? I'm doing fine. This week has been a little too exciting for my taste. Lots of train rides and socializing, I'm feeling real drained. Monday went pretty well. I went to my little secluded spot with my newly obtained picnic mat. I had a really nice lie down in the grass before my class started. 

Read a bunch, I'm finally reading The Outsiders (even though I've seen the movie lots of times I'm only reading the book now). 

Isn't it whimsical?

My little mat.

My little area!

Class itself was good but I'm not going to lie I snuck my e-reader out every spare moment I had between exercises or breaks to read some more. When I got home I was pretty tired, plus it's been getting warmer. I started Karate Kid Part 3 and my mum joined me, she was strangely into it. It's not a good movie at all. Later at night I watched Sixteen Candles. It sucked big time!

On Tuesday I got up early to finish up a new quiz I was making for my site. I put it up but as usual something went wrong and it didn't work. Capitalization! Always remember capitalization when you're doing anything in JavaScript. I was going to go to class but I suddenly got an ache in my stomach so I stayed home, I worked some on my site. 

Everyone had a nervous breakdown later in the day because we watched Big Fish again. Don't watch Big Fish unless you're ready for the consequences. My sister's was probably the most existential and heartbreaking. She's in tears because she realized she's going to have to be there when we all die before her. She's nearly twelve years younger than me and nine years younger than my brother. If you do the math right, there's probably going to be decade when we're all gone... and she's not. I couldn't calm her down about it, we all tried, but there's really nothing to say. She couldn't stop crying and she was in a lot of pain from it so I was too. Of course I told her she wouldn't be alone, she'd have friends, a partner, maybe kids of her own but these people don't exist to her right now so she wasn't having it. We tried to joke about suicide pacts, or maybe she'd get hit by a bus or something, or future tech that's gonna keep us living forever. Yeah, it's something I've cried myself about too but her position is even worse, she's the youngest. She'll really be the last. There's really no right words about this but I wish I had them. She was really scared and there wasn't anything we could do about it. You can't really talk the fear of death away.

Jesus. Dark, huh? Well, it happens to everyone. I can't even think of a time when my cats won't be around... nevermind my mum. Ah, forget about it. Spit! It's a Slavic thing. When you said something bad could or will happen, you imitate spitting so it doesn't. I ain't superstitious but I ain't taking chances either.

Wednesday is a day off from classes. It was pretty uneventful because I still wasn't feeling totally well due to whatever stomach bug I had yesterday. I did draw whatever it was I wanted to for Mermay. I'm feeling the most art-block and insecurity ever... it gets kind of hard to keep working through it when you think you're making trash but its not like I'm gonna stop. I haven't stopped drawing since I was 6 or something and I sucked the entire time, so why stop now? 

Thursday was a holiday and I mostly just stayed home, I finally finished all of Cobra Kai. It is so stupid. Like when Kwon falls on his own knife and dies, I actually laughed. Some of the production is so bad. The weird exchange between Amanda, Daniel, and Tory at the very end was so forced and just so awfully written... But honestly, I still love this dumb little show.

Friday was pretty normal, nothing much of note except I finally finished reading the Outsiders. I really breezed through it, it was so good. I haven't read a book this fast since I was 14. I used to just go through the things back in the day, especially when I was in Battle of the Books. Man, I'll tell you, I was a real nerd. I was in BoB (that's Battle of the Books to ya), Model UN (always the science committee!), the school band (third trumpet), and yearbook club. Seriously... 

Saturday was a really exciting day. I went to my first Pride ever! Ever, ever! I never lived in a country that celebrated Pride (except Finland, but I wasn't there in June). In fact in most places I lived in, Pride was straight up illegal. For some reason the Pride in Agen happened on the 10th of May. Not sure why but Tom said it may be because June is too hot for big events like that now. You can't pray the gay away, but maybe you can heatwave it to an earlier month. Anyway we took the lunch time train, here was the party: Tom, me, Mo (my brother), Marta (my sister), and Y (my sister's friend). Y is about 17 and she's in a secret relationship with a girlfriend because her family are crazy Christian fundamentalist. So this was a covert operation. The train ride is short but Tom was panicking the entire time that he forgot some cool earrings. He was very colour-coordinated and looked good and totally ragged on us for not being colourful. Well, I like dark brown, I think it's a good colour on me. And my brother... well, let's just say he knows what pants and t-shirts are and that's about it when it comes to fashion.

We got there early to go to a friend's house, the couple I met at his house before, Benedicte and Lolu. It's Lolu's family house and it's enormous! It's a gorgeous house, for real, it was so crazy. Tom had the audacity to say "it's like your house but sort of bigger". Sort of, Tom? I must live in a fucking shoe box if this house is not big to him! 

We went to the area where the parade starts. There was a bunch of local organizers both to do with LGBT issues and just general stuff like worker's unions and Mission Locale. There was a bunch of speeches and Tom checked out because he says they're long. I was sort of practicing my French and listened in. Maybe it kind of shows how wet behind the ears I still am but stuff like that is still important to me. Even general platitudes like 'equality for everyone' and 'queer folk are accepted here' is stuff no one really said out loud to me, on a microphone no less. Basically, don't get complacent if you live in an accepting place. Things can quickly get worse, the smallest progress can be tarnished and destroyed. Trust me.

Start of the parade.

After a while the parade started and some very fashionable drag queens were on a float dancing. I thought most of the music sucked. It was like trap or something, or just charting shit from this year. They did play I Wanna Dance With Somebody and Single Ladies which was fun. Honestly they could have really picked a better track list. 

At a few points we stopped for more speeches. I didn't know anyone there but one guy straight up looked like Sam Seder. We saw gay French Sam Seder. The whole thing finished up at about 16:00. Tom went back with Lolu and Benedicte and we were invited to sleepover but I was way too tired to hang so we went home. We had some sandwiches we packed at the train station, then grabbed the train and went home. 

Weirdly artsy shot I took on accident.

Gay French Sam Seder.

The float.

It was a good experience, I think I'm glad I went to a smaller Pride for my first time. Bordeaux would probably literally kill me. I saw a lot of old people there and it almost made me tear up, like, these are the folks who paved the way so we wouldn't have to live in fear all the time. Really standing on the shoulder's of giants. Y also saw her teacher there and she's pretty shy but I could tell she was surprised in a good way. It was a good time.

On Sunday I went out of my way to not go anywhere or talk to anyone. A single day of people has literally turned me into a raisin. Also I got sun-burnt as fuck. I have two modes: anemic white or crimson red, crispy. We re-watched 22 Jump Street, dumb ass movie. Kind of funny though. I don't really have anything conclusive and interesting to say (Do I ever? No.). But it was a pretty good week. 

Been obsessed with Rome Wasn't Built In A Day by The Jeremy Days.

Old Tricks {2025 Week #18}

The week starts with a bang. I took it pretty slow in the morning, I've been feeling like shit since Sunday night on the account of the blood vessel-popping migraine. It feels like that at least. My first class was today and it's in the most inconvenient time slot ever. The class only starts at 13:30 but my only available trains are either 11:30 or 14:30. 14:30 is way too late, so I have to be there more than an hour early. This is actually not too bad because the town is small and quaint and I can just relax and read. I used to really read, man. I mean it was middle school books but still. I used to just go through books like nobody's business.

I hung out on a number of benches, looking for the perfect spot. I also took some time to find the most convenient supermarket in case I wanted something to drink or eat. I'm a serious strategist. Passed some kind of random store that had very strange images plastered to the windows. It was CCTV stills of three people. Were they shoplifters? Were they life-time banned? Who knows. Curious. 

First day of a long time in my life.

Tuesday was the same, get there early but this time I found a little secluded patch of grass that was idyllic. Sun, a gentle shade from the tree canopy and stone benches. I was obscured from the street so I felt free to lay back and laze in the sun. The sun burnt bright, big spots into me but the wind cooled me down so fast that I got shivers. I started reading the Outsiders because I just cannot get it off my mind no matter what so I think reading it is an easy fix. 

I don't have class on Wednesdays and I had to go to the bank in the morning to change my number because for some reason my previous one was annulled. Annoying as hell. I hate how much important stuff is tied to phone numbers these days. Me, Mo, and mum watched the first two Bourne movies. I enjoyed them much more than I thought I would, I think because they are so stylized and early 2000s that it just clicked for me. I already finished season 5 of Cobra Kai too. You may be wondering how I can achieve such television and movie watching feats but the truth is just that I really take advantage of the time when I'm home and I'm also really trying to stop putting on white noise type of stuff. Better a movie or a show, even if it's bad, then another YouTube video I don't care about. Honestly, I would actually love watching stuff that's made for the fun of it but even creators I like don't really put stuff out unless it will get views and such and such. The vibes of that kind of videos are totally off, feels like everything is an ad. I know, I'm becoming an old man shouting at clouds before your eyes. Sick of it, man!

Thursday rocked, first because it's Labour Day, workers forever! We also had a huge brocante in town. I picked up lots of cute and useful things. Did have an annoying moment when I had only 1 euro 60 cents left and wanted this metal box for tea (like one you get at a supermarket with the tea) which a lady was selling for 2 euros. She was annoyed I didn't have the 40 cents but when I said fine, I don't want it, suddenly she changed her mind but kept glaring at me. Like, come on! The point is to re-use stuff, get rid of the stuff you don't need, and it's just a metal box. Ain't a Faberge egg exactly. We also bought burgers at the fair despite the fact that I bought patties yesterday to make today! Mo and Marta don't care though, they can eat burgers 24/7. So Americanized. Here's pics of everything I got:

Tiny basket. For glasses?

Box over which I haggled.

Awesome albums.

Cutie! NEC N22i.

Just beanie frog.

I also finally made myself a new Whatsapp so people can actually contact me. It was kind of blissful without it but I can't just disappear. If you haven't figured it out yet I am one of the really bad people that has trouble texting back. I do, but it could be a year later or something... I am despicable. We watched Robots, class commentary classic.

On Friday I officially hit my goal of writing in my diary everyday for a year! Hurrah! If you still see me here in July, that means that I reached my goal of blogging every week for a year too. Wild. This time last year I was in Bordeaux at OFII, signing my contract of integration. Crazy!! This year I texted two close friends to check in with how life is going. Everyone is alive but exhausted. What kind of drugs were we on in uni when we could just do shit every day and at night, and the next morning and on and on. Appreciate your early 20s, kiddos. At 26 other people can't hurt you as much but your back sure can. 

I made tacos and Japanese cream soda drinks because my sister really wanted to try them. Sadly I didn't find melon syrup anywhere so I just made them with sprite and food colouring. They turned out real cute. 

Tropical! Tastes like sprite tho...

We re-watched Fern Gully. I put on Karate Kid Part II for myself and one by one the rest of the family crawled out of somewhere and joined me. I realized I never watched Part II and III but thought I'd do that before I start season 6 of Cobra Kai. It's good, kind of cheesy, kind of wise. What is happening, dude, am I like a Karate Kid fan now or something? What the fuck. The funny thing is that the first time I saw Karate Kid anything was the 2010 one with Jackie Chan in cinemas. Not a great work of cinema but I had a huge crush on Jaden Smith after the movie. 

I am actually drawing and uploading my Mermay stuff this year. It's going well, let's not jinx it. I've also been Listening to Sassy this entire week as something to listen to while I draw. So good, but I often have to pause when I'm laughing so hard I can't keep my hand steady. On Saturday Tom came over and we played Scrabble. Mo made fun of us for being pensioners playing a geriatric game but also he won somehow. He asks me how to spell words like 'Petal' and 'Unusual' all the time but somehow he won. The universe is falling apart. I wrote 'Meth' not once but twice, and Tom wrote 'Anal'. We also had 'Fed', 'Sex', and 'Cum'. We are all very grown-up, we have sophisticated taste, and a humour that is quite high-brow, actually.

He said he'd be going out with a new guy on Sunday and that got me wondering if I'm ever going to go out on dates or something. I lack his confidence. But also I don't think I'm in a place in my life where I want to date yet. I want friends and to be close with my friends but I don't know, it feels like romance is dead and buried. I like the idea but I can't see it taking shape. 

There was a quick but intense thunderstorm and the sun came out right after. Feels like everything is being fast-forwarded around here. I can't catch a calm moment.  

At least someone's living the moment.

Sunday was an at home day. I drew, made a broke ramen for myself. Watched Pretty in Pink for the first time. I get it! It is a very fun movie so I get it. The dress though. I don't know about the dress. I'm getting ready for class tomorrow, doing my homework (last minute as usual), and preparing a letter. I'm kind of excited for summer. Here's the song that I can't get out of my head this week: Echo Beach by Martha and the Muffins.

You Wouldn't Have To Ask {2025 Week #17}

Hey. My life is seemingly slowly crawling back on track. Best not get excited ahead of schedule, but I am feeling better. Monday was fine, Tuesday was an improvement. I went to the next town for my first orientation to continue my French course. It's a tiny building. I arrived very early because of inconvenient train schedules so I hung out for a while, I read a lot. It sucked because it was raining hard and all the benches were wet. I found one that wasn't and sat there for two hours till 2PM. The meeting was pretty good, funny, even. They ran out of space so we brought a table, whiteboard, and chairs to an alcove right by the bathroom. All the documents were filled in and prepared. We were told out first class would be on the next Monday due to administrative stuff. I had to wait another hour at the station for my train but I resigned myself to just going with whatever. Me and Tom called and decided to meet tomorrow to hang out. I also uploaded my Night In The Woods fanlisting to my site.

Fantastic Yums!

Wednesday the plans were ruined because my period started and I spent most of the morning immobile and wrapped in blankets. I did not do much, watched more Cobra Kai. I stopped logging it episode by episode on Dreamwidth a while ago, I was just to itchy to get to the next episode to review them. Maybe I will just do season by season for the next show. I also started moving more of my characters to toyhou.se. Also have been really intrigued by Ben Gibbard's record selection for his Discogs thing. Check it out here.

Thursday I was still not feeling it. My period is only 3 days but the first two are a real battle. I did have the power to finally organize my CD shelf and also make sure everything is logged on my Discogs. I keep track of my CDs by location too. I have so many left at my grandma's house. Then I have the ones I bought in France. And I also had those that came in from China last year and I've kept them separate, some kind of a last ditch attempt to capture the past? It's stuff I had as a kid, inherited from my parents, or stuff I picked out myself between 2012 and 2017. Stuff like Free Energy, Jake Bugg, Kent, The Kooks, Mando Diao, Phoenix, The Thermals. What I liked in high school. Re-listened to the Bad Books' self-titled in it's entirety and that one is an amazing album. It's like looking in through a keyhole at a memory. Well, they are finally in a melange with my "contemporary" purchases.

Finally organized.

On Friday we re-watched Narnia and Nanny McPhee, nostalgic and wholesome picks. I was still having art block and a general creative crisis. We had a nice time at the park though.

Sun!

On Saturday I got up early and finally managed to move to the post office to send a very important package. I dropped by the thrift store too and picked out a middle-aged man shirt and a longsleeve from Rip Curl. I am a total poser, I love surf wear but I surfed maybe 3 times in my life at most. I did some stuff on my PC and then took a shower. Tom came by to pick us up and Mo, Marta, and Yolanta went to the store while Tom and I went to his house. Our plan was to play Soul Calibur together but we ended up making our characters for literally 2 hours. I made a hot vampire lady called Alessandra. We duked it out for a while and I am a Mortal Kombat enjoyer so I'm not a total noob when to comes to fighting games but I won't lie the 3D aspect fucked me up a bit. My brother was super salty because he sucks at fighting games. 

On Sunday I started the 4th season of Cobra Kai. I have not been this excited about a show since Bucchigir?!? or Chi: Chikyuu. Otherwise a family friend was over to help fit Marta's new bed into her room because my mum bought one that was too wide and thought she could figure out a way to make it work. She couldn't and none of us are savvy enough to saw it well and not break it in the process. Luckily Andrei knows how to do literally everything so the bed fit in the end.

 

Teen bedroom.

Cats have already occupied the bed!

Alyona, his daughter, came over as well and we hung out a bit. We're of the same year (she even has a cute little necklace with 1999 on it) but we don't have many shared interests but she's still nice and we like to chat and bitch about stuff. She's having a hard time with French as well. 

My first class is tomorrow but all I can think about is this migraine that is exploding my brain. For this week, I'm taking a song from a record recommended by Ben Gibbard. Alcoholiday by Teenage Fanclub.