One Year Of Blogging {2025 Week #30}

Can ya believe it? One whole year of weekly blogs! High-five! High-five! High-fives all around! We did it. I'll tell you now I'm going to try and keep it going for another year (another life?) but if I spontaneously combust it was foretold.  

On Monday I was feeling pretty ill so I sadly had to skip a beach trip! I know, literally the worst. I fucking love daytripping (love it even more when I found out that's what it's called). Here's some pictures my sister took:

 

Should've been me! (ᗒᗣᗕ)

Still, I ended up watching three whole movies which is awesome. They were actually all kind of mediocre but I had a good time. A childhood friend is back in town and he popped in and we had a fun chat, he and I have a lot in common: movies, TV, video games, blah blah blah. I did nothing productive! Didn't even text anyone, what an asshole. 

During the night this really old cat was sitting in the middle of the road! I hate when they do that, I tricked him into chilling by the side of the neighbors house with some wet food. He's so old he doesn't really eat dry food so I'm gonna have to buy some more wet food. My own cats have been awesome, just chilling with me, beating the shit out of each other. Typical. My friend who visited actually sent me a bunch of pics of my cats that he took when they were still super young!

I love them (╥﹏╥)

Tuesday was more of the same. I quit Art Fight early, it just wasn't happening this year. I felt unmotivated and I didn't like anything I was drawing. In other news...

More weird thoughts incoming. If you hate my pretentious tangents, please fast forward to the pretty pictures. Anyway, today we'll be tackling religion and what it means to be perfect. Easy shit, don't even worry about it.

I got quite interested in the somewhat recent 'apparent' (there is no statistical evidence to back this up and everything is magnified online) rise in Christianity among my generation and younger. It seems Catholicism is the most popular denomination. And it makes sense. I'm from a place where Orthodox churches are the mainstream and my grandmother on my father's side converted to Protestantism sometime in the late 80s or early 90s, so these are two branches I am familiar with. I actually don't have much familiarity in my own life with the Catholic lifestyle, but I do get why its receiving the online trend treatment. Orthodox Christians are so unbelievably drab, the churches are depressing, and everyone is always so damn sad. It has a bit more to do with political and economic turmoil but even in the late 2000s, when things seemed to be on an upswing no one let the Orthodox church know. Protestants are boring, they're Mormons lite. They have no style, no charisma, and honestly, they're so corporate. Catholics, even mired in scandals and very dark history, just have the it factor. I know it's kind of weird to talk about denominations like their 90s heartthrobs but this is kind of where our half-eaten mono-culture leftovers are taking us these days. Catholics have a distinct, almost subversive style, deep history, intricate rituals, they have something going for them. They can be regal, but they can also be down-to-earth. A kind of hidden glamour. It checks out. 

Everything about your life is a trend if you let it be. After a near decade of the online popularity of atheism ranging from modest and personal to obscene harassment of anyone with any relation to religion, it only makes sense that we have done a full swing on the round-about and are ready to believe things again. Or believe them as much as needed to tack yourself into an in-group. Before I go on about this exact phenomenon, I'm not talking about people who honestly practice their religion or even those who practice it for a sense of community or self-realization. I don't believe in anything but I don't just feel neutral about but support the freedom of choosing your belief and practicing it without harassment, obviously so long as it harms no one or yourself. These people are living their lives, they are finding their path, it's beautiful. 

But the phenomena I'm looking at is different: seemingly non-religious people don the appearance and aesthetics of Christianity, sometimes even exhibiting prejudices often associated with the religion. It's not communal, often hypocritical, often poorly informed and researched, and other times, in the extremes, grounds to support heinous political agendas. So why do this? As usual, it's a white people problem. Being white is a social construct, meaning who passes as white or not is arbitrary and dictated by the political climate. It also means that whiteness doesn't really exist and just as much has no inherent culture. What a lot of white people seemed to take from this is that they don't have culture despite the fact that they live somewhere, among some people, which automatically provides them cultural context. I don't want to make villains out of them either. There comes a time when you will realize that everyone is lonely. I think a lot of people absorbed this online portrait of Catholicism as a faux culture that is appropriate for white people. It's another chase for identity that can never be found. You cant become someone by grabbing a rosary, tangling yourself in a cross on chains, by writhing in your 'shame' like a model, or by gazing longingly at iconography. 

Look, it's all old news. But people play with things without noting their importance, their potency. I am always an advocate against the main principles of organized religion. I don't mean getting together and having a good spiritual time, I mean making pure theism the driving force of your group, the undeniable truth for all. If you need to convert others, if you think everyone must share your faith, if external validation is not a nicety but a necessity, you don't really believe anything. No, really. I know many Christians, the only ones I get along with are those that know they cannot prove the existence and can admit that there is a chance there is no God but chose to believe regardless. To me it's faith without removing the rational, human part of yourself. As an atheist I can admit there may be a God, just if there was I wouldn't be a follower. 

Lets try something else. Whatever truth is, the biggest truth of the entire universe, it will be 'perfection'. Plato was a little crazy but he had a pretty interesting theory of forms, that (in my very bad summary) dictates that particulars, you, me, a pen on your table, that chair, a dog on the street, are the imperfect versions of the symbol. If you picture a horse, you picture the perfect horse, the most horse a horse can be. It's not real, it will never be real, because it's a symbol, a template that cannot be recreated. That is the world of forms. Where do they come from? In a theological sense, it may be from the ultimate good, the absolute truth, the total perfection. In fact, many a religious people I have spoken to claim this as evidence; how can the human body be so perfectly designed? The atom so genius? They must have come from complete perfection.

Here's the thing: they couldn't have. At it's most core, the ultimate truth cannot be perfect. Our bodies are as perfect as they are imperfect, not so because of intention but because that is just the nature of creation. When one thing is enhanced, another will be lost. Think of a hypothetical perfect painting. It can be adjusted forever, by a thousand painters that are deemed the best in their lifetimes. It will be molded for all eternity and not once approach perfection. Technicality cannot be perfect, only our perception of it can. We can look at a piece and think it's absolutely perfect despite it's flaws. These are two distinct versions of it, it's perfect form in the eyes of an infatuated observer and it's imperfect form in the assessment of an unbiased, unfeeling technical judge. Some may argue that due to the naturally defected state of human beings we can never create something that is perfect, yet we can witness perfection. Though is it nothing but an illusion? I think if faced with the ultimate truth, the same phenomena occurs: the observer sees perfection, but the object existence of the truth is flawed. 

I think we are actually highly dysfunctional. The reason we cannot process trauma, that we cannot ever recover in totality, is because we just cant. It's not a flaw, it's not an immoral character, but simply a stress limit. There's only so far anyone can bend. The levels of suffering are too high, you can't just buckle up and persevere. The suffering will inevitably collapse you. Wow, so what? Should we all just die? I would fight to my last to keep anyone from ending their own lives but I also don't see killing oneself as a moral failing, so in general I would say no. While everyone is still around, this is as 'perfect' a time to enact change that leads to the least suffering to the most people. Whether that's the removal of harm, negative policies that promote war and austerity, or the active installation of the good, free housing and education. I don't really care how you get there, whether you are being driven by the most fanatic devout religious dogma or by mind-numbing soulless pessimistic nihilism (that's me), as long as we get somewhere over there. We aren't ever reaching any ends, but inching even a little closer seems near impossible too in this age. Still, better to try.  

Let's be real, some really smart person has already thought all this and said it better, so if all of this sounds totally inane it's because I'm not that person. Go research things from better sources than a blogger who can't remember what happened 3 days ago. 

On Wednesday my grandma celebrated her boyfriend's birthday with him. We called her for a bit. Me, Mo, and his friend, Rost, had a Discord call because we've been meaning to watch Megalopolis for a while now. And by 'meaning to watch' I mean 'meaning to subject ourselves to' it. Jesus H. Christ. Picture the worst, most pretentious, self-sucking, dogshit, boring, and inept movie ever. It doesn't have to even exist, just imagine something like that. Then multiply by 10 and you've got Megalopolis. No redeeming qualities whatsoever. We did laugh pretty hard at the 'go back to the club' scene.

On Thursday I finally finished all the leftover revenges for Art Fight. See ya next year. Decided to partake in Blaugust but very casual (I never learn...). My period started though, so I felt pretty bad. Spent Friday half-dead but I did watch Cherry Falls and it was not nearly as bad as expected. Brittany Murphy, I miss you.

Saturday was busy with scanning notebooks, I'm planning to box most of them up and leave them in the attic for now to save space downstairs.

And then it was Sunday, the official birthday of this blog. Woo! I did not do much to celebrate, maybe next year, but we did go to Tom's to play more Eternal Sonata. 

I'm going to be having a small little part of each blog where I'm gonna think about something I'm excited for in the immediate future. So...

This Week I'm Excited For...

My brother's birthday. It's next Friday and we'll be going to a Chinese buffet and I'll also pre-order the new Expanse game for him.  

Picture Of The Week...

An MP3 player uploaded in 2008. Just so pretty and calming to look at.

Song Of The Week...

It's still Deftones. It will probably be Deftones for a while, I'm not gonna lie, I've been really into them again and I'm not sure why I even had a lull. But I think that just always happens, even with favourite bands. Anyway, Saturday Night Wrist is an amazing album that was made during a pretty bad time for the band. Still, they made something amazing, my favourite track is Beware. Enjoy!

Feeling Free {2025 Week #29}

The week started out with a bang! First of, Monday was Bastille Day and also the day when I finally published my zine. I stayed up so late to finally finish the thing, if you're curious you can check it out on my finnybox blog or on my site. I want to keep a screenshot of all the sweet comments I got from people. I know, it's kind of giving Obama gives Obama a medal right now but it's for posterity to reflect on the many amazing internet friends/mutuals I have more than on what a good job I did. I do not have enough self-confidence to believe that about anything I do, don't worry.

I'm crying...!

The rest of the day was pretty good. Just did some more art stuff related to Good Internet Magazine, not gonna tell you anything yet! At about 9 we went down to a river-side area in our town and mostly hung out while a DJ that was giving his all to a bunch of pensioners and 9 year olds was losing it on stage. There was a cover band and everything. 

    Everyone out and about.

Anyway, at 11-ish we finally sat down with my brother, my mum, and Tom (who we bullied into getting dressed and showing up) right by the river's edge and watched the fireworks. They were over the water, it was really pretty. Not China pretty, but still pretty.

Pew pew pew...

Guys the fireworks looked really cool, I'm just ass at taking pictures. Especially with my phone.

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty uneventful, I just did stuff like groceries, dinner, and so on. Fed the really old local cat some wet food. 

Some people be leading that life...

Have been browsing some pics in my free time, mostly rescued pics from flickr of pretty mundane stuff that I love. 

This is actually so gorgeous...

Saw lots of 'whats in my bag' type of things so I did my own since one era of my life is done now, a.k.a. the going to class era.

I would usually always bring my kindle, my new wallet, my daily planner, my book for taking notes, a water bottle, some chap stick and maybe a little lipstick, my 3DS, and my pencil case that is literally overflowing. 

Had a stress dream on Thursday. It's when you keep waking up because of something that you think is gonna happen is happening. So I sent out a sketch for a commission I'm doing and I was stress dreaming that the client hated it. When I woke up they were perfectly fine with it and gave me good notes. All for nothing! But I have those a lot, dreaming the immediate future but it sucks. In good news my website turned 4 years old! Hurray! It's a small, obnoxious toddler.

On Friday I started decorating my next planner way too early. I can't help it, I'm literally obsessed with it and I can't wait to share the pages here when September starts. I have been really thinking about the Hobonichi Weeks but even if I do ever end up getting one it will be in 2027. We also finished Gladiator and started Black Hawk Down but mum fell asleep. It's Ridley Scott week.

We went to Tom's to play more Eternal Sonata on Saturday, we actually died to a fucking rat! Unbelievable. But we did finally unlock a new character, Viola. Sunday I spent literally all day organizing my files on my PC and somehow there is barely any improvement. Goddamit, I will never be organized!

I am being attacked!

Not a bad week, I've been feeling relieved that a bunch of projects are done or on their way to be being done. Crazy! Also can you believe I'm posting this almost as soon as the week ended and not 2 weeks after? Holy shit!

This week Deftones is still the shit, so here's one of my all time faves, from an album I think is really underrated, Koi No Yokan. Entombed.

Look Up {2025 Week #28}

Hey there. Another week has gone by and it seems like I'm updating you almost in real time and not two weeks too late as is the norm. Soon this blog will turn one years old! Wack. Wacker still considering I have blogged every week for a year if you still see me here on the 27th of July. That's the new me, man. Committing to silly things, but committing!

Monday was rainy. At last! I found the cutest spot a little out of town that has actual bench-table combos. It's remote and so pretty. If you're a serial killer who's looking to murder me there with no witnesses, you're shit out of luck because my classes ended and I won't be back. So hah!

Whimsical.

On Tuesday I had serious blisters because some stupid part of my boot was bent wrong and just totally dug into my skin all day. I was kinda desperate so I got these platform combat boots at Bershka but I kind of regret it. They were good for only a few months but there's just no way I can afford Doc Martens right now.

Vigilant.

Before class a random cat spotted me across the street and sprinted at me. I gave it lots of scratches and pets. At home I watched 30 Days of Night, it was pretty great.

Aggressive demands for attention.

Most of the week I was busy rushing to finish my zine (well, it's finally out!) so that's what I did on Wednesday too. On Thursday I had to skip class because we had to go clean up this house (we've probably made a nice amount of cash at this point). Me and my brother had fun playing Battlefront, we usually 1 v. 1 each other because I love setting traps. 

On Friday we had our last class. It was nice, had to say bye to Jimena because we'll probably not have class together again but I'll see Hamza in September. In the morning I was also at the dentist for my last appointment, it went well but my mouth was so numb. I was chilling at the park when this random guy came up and started telling me his woes. I felt super awkward because my mouth was still totally numb and I was drooling a bit by accident. Basically I tried to make it out of there as soon as possible but I probably seemed rude. Sorry, guy.

Me when...

At home I watched Hasan's interview with Mahmoud Khalil, which was very interesting and cool to see live because I literally never go on Twitch. Again, I'm probably way too invested in American politics, but basically all politics is American politics. Plus I 'm pretty familiar with censorship and seeing lawless abductions of dissenting voices in my own experience, though I of course never had it as bad as Mahmoud.

In the evening I re-watched Mambo Italiano with my mum and brother. What a B-movie, but it's so dumb and good. Excellent Italian humour. 

On Saturday I was very disappointed to learn about Contrapoints' position on Israel and Palestine. Jeez, a politics heavy post, sorry. I haven't kept up with her in a year or so but much of her analysis in her Twilight video was so good. The duality of gender as sides of a mountain: the side which is lit will be dark, and the dark side will one day fall into light. This rung so true to me about gender or general self-expression, that you are never a constant and it's impossible to exist as pure distilled forms of the feminine or the masculine. Well her wisdom ends there it seems, she had the most finger-wagging feckless position on the genocide, because leftists hurt her feelings a bit. Stupid.

Here's a random pic I found of what I think is Sophia Coppola's office and I am obsessed. So beautiful.

This should be me.

On Sunday we played Gartic Phone with my brother and Tom and created some very cursed imagery. I also gave in and pre-ordered the CD of the new Deftones album, Private Music. I couldn't help it, the single rocked so hard. In fact, I'll make it my song of the week even though it came pretty late into the week.

Check out My Mind Is A Mountain by Deftones. So old school, so nu metal. Now I'm thinking about AMVs again...

The End Is Extremely Fucking Nigh {2025 Week #27}

Look who could have been on time posting this but wasn't again... me. But being behind by just one week is honestly kind of an achievement around these here parts. Let's get into it.

Monday wasn't anything special except that it was the last day of June. I had class as usual, was busy sweating in the park but I did finish the 2nd Circle of Magic book, it was pretty great. Made my summer reading list on my Dreamwidth bucketlist finally. Been talking to new and old friends a lot recently, seriously brightens my day. 

On Tuesday we had the hottest day yet which was 39/40 most of the day. So literal hell. I stayed home because I didn't want to get stuck somewhere when the train would inevitably be cancelled or postponed. It's because the metal of the rail tracks expands, interesting, huh? I posted one Artfight attack but I won't be doing much in the first two weeks because I'm rushing to finish my zine. Goddamit!

Bastardo.

Wednesday was so cool, it dropped to like 22 degrees which was awesome. I don't know what that is in American but trust me, it was good. I didn't have class so I finally finished the 2000s fanlisting and put it up on my site. 

On Thursday I kept waking up because my cat, Yoshi, was being super sweet and cuddling but also kneading me with his little claws and it kind of hurt. During class we said goodbye to Agira, Mina, and Carlos, they finished their courses and went early to go get their kids. Because of this huge exodus of students our teacher let us know that classes would end early as there would only be 3 students left (Jimena, Hamza, and me) and that she can't teach classes that are less than 4 people. Sadly we'll have our last week next week and we may restart in September if there's more people.

After school I bought some knick-knacks from the discount store. I can get lost there for a long time which is bad, I don't need more stuff! Unless...no!

Looks like the train is flying.

They're frolicking.

On Friday I went to the dentist, she replaced the bad filling with a new one and it felt pretty good. I no longer have a gross little gap where food gets stored for no reason. Yuck. I finished Rumble Fish in like a day and a half of reading, which is not that impressive because it's such a short book but it's impressive to me. 

Spotted during class.

I checked whether our town would have 28 Years Later screenings in VOSTF (version originale sous-titres francais) but they would only have it dubbed. The closest place which would screen it in English is Bordeaux and my brother really wants to see it in the cinemas. I decided we'd go on Saturday.

At home I went down a rabbit hole of old The Faculty fansites, fanlistings, and fanfic sites. So cool. I added some links to my own fanlisting. I love browsing ancient fan efforts, fan culture can be so fun when you navigate away from the infighting. I also watched 30 Days of Night because I'm having a bit of Josh Hartnett appreciation month. It was pretty great.

On Saturday I bought tickets in the morning but we were a bit bummed because it was +16 and so my sister couldn't go. I don't know why I didn't think it would obviously be +16, there is so much violence. Sadly there is no way in the world anyone would ever believe she's 16 or older so we left her at home but she wasn't too upset because she'd spend the day with our mum. We got tickets for 2PM and went on the 11AM train. We got there in about an hour and went straight to the Gambetta cinema to roam around, maybe get snacks. We dropped by the H&M because it's sales time and my brother really wanted to get white t-shirts because it's way too hot to wear dark clothes now. He got the most obnoxiously oversized one but he actually looked well-dressed for once. He was wearing cargo pants I got for him too so he's basically hopeless if I don't style him. 

I am much better about not buying from fast fashion brands there days. There were some cute things on sale I may have bought in the past but these days I obey a strict itinerary. If I can't thrift it, only then will I buy it new and from these mass market sellers. We dropped by a supermarket and got some onigiri that were discounted and some sodas.We then had to run back to the cinema full speed because the movie was in 10. We made it past the ticket guy easy, I was worried he'd want to check our bags. My brother goes LITERALLY everywhere with his ridiculously sized backpack. He carries his sketchbook, a first aid kit, and a windbreaker but it feels like I'm hanging out with a school shooter...

Lots of ads! And none were good, seriously, this may be the only good movie of the summer of 2025. Plus they had ads for not movies which I hate. Anyway, I won't spoil anything here but I will have a review on my finnybox blog. We are big Danny Boyle fans here, I love Sunshine the most and my brother does too but he also really likes 28 Days Later so we were just happy to see something exciting for once. Weaker in the second half, I won't lie. It's another thing off the bucketlist too.

Making that camrip in the year 2025.

We went to the Chinese store and picked up snacks for my sister. Even though we just had the onigiri and ice tea (my beloved) my brother was still hungry so we went to get pancakes. 

My childhood drink.

We got the basic honey and butter from My Fluffy Bordeaux, it was kinda pricey at 8 euro or such but they were so good. I bought myself a swimsuit, biking shorts, and some jorts. Didn't find anything cute at Flying Tiger.

He did not eat them cutely at all.

We had to take the latest train out just because there wasn't any earlier ones. So we took our time and went to the FNAC to play around on the iPads. I also got Pearl Jam's Ten on sale. Sweet. 

Artiste.

Actual sponge texture, but so good...

Did I tell you that my first welfare payment came in? Yes, I'm officially leeching off the government! If you've already got your panties in a conservative twist, relax, it's not much and I'm spending it on groceries and an occasional good time like taking my brother to the movies. Plus I was given literally nothing while I was in bureaucratic limbo and couldn't work. Why am I even justifying this? Immigrant guilt, I guess.

Anyway, we got home late and my feet were in so much pain! I have really bad sneakers that I need to replace ASAP. 

Sunday rocked too. We had a brocante in town, it wasn't huge and a bunch of people packed up and left when the rain started but I got so many cute finds. Everything under 10 euro all together. I post all my shopping shenanigans to my finnymemo blog if you're curious. My mum and a family friend were also doing some renovation at our local Thai place. I wasn't even there but the owner is so nice she invited us all to a free lunch. 

This week I listened to Jack's Mannequin's The Glass Passenger in it's entirety, I listened to a bunch of tracks religiously as a teen. Good to be back. My fave was probably What Gets You Off. I did not know what that phrase meant as a kid, kinda funny now. Didn't know this was a Something Corporate related project. Me and Alice were just discussing that emo is so 'inbred' when it comes to band members, 20 emo bands are just other emo bands in a trench coat. I don't mind it though.

Accomplished {2025 Week #26}

June is coming to a close. Monday was a very slow day for me. I had an appointment with the dentist at 10, she took out the weird filling and did some kind of cool preparations for the one she would put in next. She didn't do it on that day so I just spent the rest of the week with a huge gap in between my teeth. My teeth at the back always give me so much trouble. I think my toothbrush really sucks because when I used a smaller brush I did not have this many issues. But also I haven't been to the dentist properly for like 4 years until this year. No matter how good your routine is, you really need to visit the dentist annually especially if you have chronic gum pains and stuff. And blood... so much blood...

Tuesday I went to class as normal, but I was sweating from just walking. Awkward interaction at the supermarket, which means I will literally never show my face there. If you think that that's an over-reaction... yeah, so? Got a few texts from new and old friends, really put me in a good mood. Been back into playing Titanfall 2 daily. I have some really great games but I usually suck so bad. What happened, man...

My main.

Wednesday I finished the Faculty fanlisting, I posted about it a bit on my projects/art blog. I put in way too much effort into it but it was fun and I'm happy with the end result. Had some politics on in the background, was very happy to hear that Mamdani is looking to be the winner of the primaries. Again, I don't live in New York and I never will but it looks like a really good thing can happen for them there, that'd be the dream.

We had a cooler evening. I was feeling pretty good, organizing my space and rocking out to a great mix Alice made for me.

Summer dusks are awesome.

On Thursday I had class as usual, then I went to Tom's right after the train. I don't know what the hell Mo was up to but he couldn't make it so me and Tom played Skylanders. It was pretty fun and he has so many figurines! To chose a character in this game, you have to place a figurine onto this special platform and they appear in the game. My favourite was Zap, he's so cute and he has a little aqualung on his back and webbed feet.

On Friday I finally got my social security number, wee!! Class was kind of a struggle because we did a knowledge review of what we learnt and I am so bad at remembering anything, hence this blog. At home I binged the latest season of Squid Game. Goddamn, it's ass. Seriously talk about a drop in quality.

On Saturday I finished Saving Face and did more Artfight prep. I finally uploaded some new characters I've been meaning to get up there. Sunday I finished the 2000s music fanlisting, it has some super basic but kind of cool JS and CSS features. I'm strictly banning myself from doing anymore fanlistings for now... I have so many other important tasks, never mind that I need to start working soon.

Also on Sunday I finally found this book I had as a kid about drawing princesses and ballerinas. It's literally the best, I was crazy about this book as a kid and I still miss it. Thank whatever for the preservation efforts of the internet.

Very vital part of my upbringing.

This week's song is something that came up random on the radio and I've never heard it before but it takes me to a state of mind that is so weird. If you watched 2000s to early 2010s kids CG animation they often had a kind of desolate vibe. Like if you looked far enough into the background, the world would just be empty forever beyond. I kind of like that though, as scary as it is. This hard to illustrate feeling appears for me when I watch the first few seasons of Clone Wars, the Bionicle movies, or the Dragons movies (Fire & Ice and The Metal Ages). That last on is totally forgotten and not really good but it's one of those things I had on DVD and looked so magical and mystical to me as kid.

Christophsis especially.

The world just ends...

Just vast emptiness.

Anyway, now that I'm done with the tangent, I think the song of the week would go really fucking hard with these settings. It's edgy but also pretty somber, please enjoy Cold's Wasted Years.