Do you guys know that you're as good as people studying ancient languages and cryptography. You may as well be because I have no idea what the fuck I'm writing. This is to say I'll probably keep being late but I'll stick to it as long as I can.
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| Week 46. |
Week started weird. I realized the date the social worker gave me didn't match up with the right day of the week that she said we'd meet on. Been agonizing about making a simple phone call to confirm. It's getting absurd. I get annoyed about these dumb stereotypes that Gen Z folk are so sensitive and have social anxiety about everything... but I kind of do. I'm a very old Gen Z, when I was a teenager I had both crippling self-hatred and endless arrogance on my side. I could go and ask people for answers and stuff. Sometime during the pandemic I lost this skill. The fear of calling is amplified by the fact that my French is clearly very broken. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe as a generation we are more averse to social interactions with strangers but it's not solely on us, the world's changed too. I don't know why but even many of the more 'people-oriented' generations are now so hostile.
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| Does not work as a public servant. |
As an immigrant you come across both the kindest, warmest and understanding public servants who are there because they specifically had a calling to help people like you. You also come across some... special folk.
First, the serial ladder-puller: I ran across a lady in the Prefecture that was clearly from where I'm from, I could just tell by her accent. She was really rude and even threatened to call the police because I was in the Prefecture with my brother to help him translate, a practice many others do too. I wasn't allowed to stand near him at the booth, something we were never told before and we'd been to the Prefecture like ten times at that point. I just can't imagine making a life for myself in a foreign country and then looking down at my fellow countrymen when they do the same but it's a common phenomena.
Then there's just the person that's clearly in the wrong profession. Obviously I've never been a social worker so I can't say what exactly one is made of but I'd have to guess empathy is integral. One of our first social workers threatened my mum that her welfare would be cut off (before she even was on welfare and was still working) and was very annoyed when we asked her for help with registering on certain government sites, kind of the main feature of her job. I don't think she liked helping people, so maybe social work wasn't her niche. I would advise she work at the bank instead.
Sorry to harp on about these very specific issues but it's been my life since... well, forever. If you're also a foreigner living outside your country, especially if you're a non-American or non-European moving to America or Europe, I'm sure you can relate to some of this. I've definitely met more helpful and empathetic people working with immigrants than those that weren't but the bad apples really try to overshadow any good experience. I'm not even close to the end of the road with all this business but when I think about where I was only 2 years ago, I feel like I've fought a leviathan!
On Tuesday we went to Tom's gamer garage and played some more Eternal Sonata. I don't know how this silly bitch will make it through the winter, the garage has no heating or insulation at all.
On Wednesday, my mum, sister, and brother left to another town for Government/Document Stuff TM. I had to drop by our family friend's house to let some roofers in. Half way to the grocery store I got a call from my mum: they needed scans of some bills urgently because her phone app was glitching out! I had to run all the way back only for her to call me back to tell me she got it working actually. Dammit!
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| They bought me a ramune, I love! |
I watched cartoons instead. Nothing like being home alone and watching some cartoons. So dumb but it took me back to when I'd come back from middle school, depending on the day I'd have to also maybe get my sister from pre-school, and put on some Adventure Time or 6teen or something. Veg out.
I made cupcakes but they were so ugly I didn't take a picture. It was Yuka's birthday, so I texted her. I sent her a pic from the last year of high school and she said it was crazy that it's like 10 years ago. I thought she was fucking with me, we graduated high school in 2017 and that's only 8 years ago! Oh my god, it's basically 10 years ago...
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| Still full of hope... |
On Thursday I stopped being a coward and made the call to the social worker. As usual all my doom-planning and stress led to a 1 minute long phone call that was clear, concise, and pleasant. Will I learn from this? Again... NO!! But maybe this is a message for people with the same social anxiety and more faith in themselves: that 90% of the time the phone call will go fine.
So we finally finished the first Halo this Friday. Yes, at age 26 I finished Halo, a game from like 2001. Honestly, it was pretty good. I used to think it looked pretty lame. I mean style wise it cannot hold up to Star Wars or Titanfall but it's still very fun.
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| We used to be a society... |
On Saturday I hunkered down and finally made some final decisions about the COTY calendar, after all, 2026 is literally almost here. I have May done and January sort-of done but there's still 10 months in the year... thanks a lot, Julius Caesar.
On Sunday we had a really busy day. We were invited out for a birthday lunch for one of our family friend's birthday. It was a fancy restaurant with an insanely long course menu.
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| In his Sunday best...not. |
Afterwards we took a short walk to the canal. The autumn is gorgeous, leaves were falling so gracefully. Unlike the time before Halloween when I was walking through the park and a leaf fell at an insane speed and hit me right in the forehead.
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| Crunch crunch crunch. |
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| Strange little building. |
We got back home at about 4PM after which Tom came over, none of us were hungry at all but I promised him dinner so I warmed up yesterday's tonkatsu. We played some Blur then we hunkered down in MW3 and tried a load of game modes. The fucking juggernaut in that game is ridiculous. It is unkillable. Then we did some Halo multiplayer which was so fun, especially when we played Slayer in teams with the warthogs. The theater mode should exist in every game honestly. We spent so long just looking at our own dumb ass shenanigans.
And that was that. I usually feel more energized in October and November but this has been a weird month. Good in many ways but it feels like I don't even have time to appreciate the things that go right. Guess that's just the way and I should probably catch up already.
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| The end! |
This Week I'm Excited For...
I need to rename this segment to 'This Week I Dread/ Can't Wait For This Thing To Be Over...'. I have my appointment with the social worker on Monday so that. I just want to know what to do next at this point.
Song Of The Week...
I have gone to a place I haven't been in years. A teen hideout where I found most of my listening tastes circa. 2012-2016. BIRP! I haven't listened to much indie pop/rock/folk for a while but that was really my jam before. I've been getting through the 2009 November playlist specifically and there are many tracks I could pick out but for some reason it was New Roman Times' Smoke In Your Disguise that really stuck out to me this week. I'll hopefully post a link to a playlist featuring my fave tracks from this list specifically.
