Week 51

So, it's almost the end. What can I say about this year? Was it worse than 2023? No worse than 2022, the worst year ever. The older I get, the bleaker everything paints itself. Maybe I just need to cut back on moping around and being cynical. I've set up some goals for myself for next year and now I have to figure out how I'm going to actually make it happen.

This week was pretty busy with going to see friends, having dinners or lunches because everyone would be away for Christmas. We don't really celebrate. Non religious by lifestyle and Jewish by lineage, nothing really ties us to Christmas but it's a nice time anyway. New Year's is when we really go hard.

So, Monday. I tried to clear my digital space somewhat. It went terribly. Mostly fell down a rabbit hole of my own bookmarks and wasted a whole lotta time. I wanted to order some really cute notebooks from Flying Tiger but they were out of stock. They have these cute little film and book tracking/reviewing notebooks that I fell in love with right away. Been thinking about this blog too. If it's changed completely, that's why.

On Tuesday I went to the bank. It's all still not over and I am getting increasingly desperate and hopeless. I get a refusal again. I don't have proof of income... which I don't have because I can't sign a contract with Mission Locale to look for work because I don't have a bank account. Nice. I scheduled a meeting at Banque de France in Agen but I doubt I'm gonna get anything done. At least when I went to the pharmacy with my prescription from the dentist I got all my medicine for free. Three boxes of antibiotics, a mouth wash, and a few boxes of painkillers. 

On Wednesday I learned that the recyclerie is closed for the holidays. Very sad but understandable. The week got worse from here on. Since the summer both Monique and Rose, who are our family friends, have been fighting cancer. Monique recovered very well despite a bit of a rough patch in autumn. Rose, though... we got news today that she had about five surgeries this month but her tumor isn't shrinking, it's just spreading. The doctor said he doesn't know what else can be done. Christ... she's bed-ridden and too weak to even speak on the phone. I wish I could believe in magic, or miracles, or something but diseases are usually so predictable and so fucking depressing. I'm just going to assume things will get better even if it's barely possible, by chance or however. I don't need it to make sense.

On Thursday I decided to make a pizza so I got some dough ready, it did not rise a lot which had me worried. Me and mum went to the store to get some last-minute presents. I bought my brother a Steam giftcard because I'm kind of out of ideas for what to get him but I do know that he wants to get a bunch of stuff on the winter sale. I myself got Firewatch and Summerhouse. We got a puzzle, a planner, and a nice pen for Monique. We gave her really good gifts last year but were kind of not sure this time because she's a really practical lady. 

Anyway, mum went back by bike and I walked. My brother called me and my sister was freaking out because she couldn't find her swimming suit. She had swim club that evening. Anyway, just as I tell them mum is on her way home, my phone dies. No more tunes for the way back, sucks... When I'm nearly home, my brother is rushing by on bike. He says mum forgot the puzzle at the store! How?! Anyway, he went to go get it. I got back and decided to start the pizza since everyone's hungry. I needed some ingredients and when I asked where they were, my mum said she forgot to take them out of the bike bags so my brother just left with them! It's just getting worse and worse. He gets back and it turns out they did load them out but forgot! Finally, I start to make the pizza. It's chicken, onion, and BBQ sauce. It tasted pretty good, we started a new show, Silo. It's pretty awesome. My sister came back from swim club happy because they had a Christmas party with a slide, snacks, drinks, and a free t-shirt.

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  I call this one... so good it can kill a CEO. ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

I am super behind on my advent calendar for pixel dolls on my site but that's okay. I'll finish it when I finish it. In good news, the Flying Tiger notebooks are in stock again! I ordered them and a few doo-dads. Otherwise having an existential crisis. 

On Saturday we went to Noz to look for a gift for a lady currently staying with Monique. I also picked myself up a few postcards I've been collecting. I'm sure anybody who was a child in the 2000s and early 2010s can recognize the art of Gorjuss. It's these simple but cute girls with beady eyes and whimsical outfits by Suzanne Woolcott. They make me so nostalgic. One set is even based on the horoscope and I'm a sucker for zodiac motifs. 

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  I wish they had an Aries. ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  Love a striped anything. ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  Cat, cat, cat... ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

I also got these cute little books with for dressing up and drawing your own outfits over a doll with loads of stickers. These ones specifically are by Nebulous Stars. I got Hazelia and a different one for my sister. I used to love these as a kids so I think I'll have fun. I know I'm nearly 26, alright...

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  I already started one... ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ 

 

 

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  Also got: special edition of Golden Compass...˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  ... an eye shadow brush... ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  ...and this super cute lipstick! ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

At about seven in the evening, Monique picked us up and we had a nice aperitif with Monique's new housemate but she went to bed early. Then we had raclette with potatoes and loads of meats. It was awesome. I was drinking prosecco for once, because I don't drink alcohol nearly ever. Monique gave me a cozy green sweater and I wore it over my dress because I was feeling a little chilly.

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ Merry Cheesemas. ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ  Monique made the cutest decor... ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ Monique's tree. ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ 

 

˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ My new sweater! ˚ʚ ☘︎ ɞ

I made lemon drizzle cake for dessert but we somehow forgot it at home... then my brother left early because he was feeling kind of sick. However! He managed to forget the keys to out house. So me and Monique drove by and got the cake and gave him the keys. We went back and had panettone and pineapple instead of the cake, which we decided Monique should take to her brother's, who she's visiting for Christmas. We also watched a game show, 100% logique which is all about observation. When we got home, I went to bed nearly straight away.

On Sunday I got up pretty early but the morning was so disorganized we were all nearly late for lunch at another friend's house. She made a roast chicken with pumpkin and I nearly died I ate so much. We had dessert, then me, Mo, and Marta left early while my mum stayed longer. 

When we got back, me and Mo called his friends and we played the Division. It was fun. It's got the special movie Christmas quality to it. I am not excited to go to Agen at all tomorrow but I have no choice. 

And so, almost in no time at all another year will come to an end. Everything feels like its on adrenaline, rushing past me in a hurricane. I'm seriously out of my depth. Somehow, I'm going to have to find determination and strength within myself to make next year different. Even if only a little bit.

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